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Ireland Declares War!
14th April 2006
>> Jacques Chirac, The French Prime Minister, was
>> sitting in his office wondering what kind of
>> mischief he could perpetrate against the United
>>> States when his telephone rang.
>>>
>>>"Hallo, Mr. Chirac," a heavily accented voice said.
>>> "This is Paddy down here at the Harp Pub in County
>>>Kerry, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we
>>> are officially declaring war on you!"
>>>
>>>"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed
>>> important news! How big is your army?"
>>>
>>>"Right now," said Paddy, "after a moment's
>>> calculation there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next
>>> door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from
>>>
>>> the pub. That makes eight of us!"
>>>
>>>Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have
>>> one hundred thousand men in my army waiting to move
>>>on my command."
>>>
>>>"Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
>>>
>>>
>>>Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr.
>>> Chirac, 'tis meself again. The war is still on. We
>>> have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"
>>>
>>>"And what equipment would that be, Paddy," Chirac
>>> asked. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and
>>>
>>>Murphy's farm tractor."
>>>
>>>Chirac sighed, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that
>>> I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel
>>> carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one
>>>
>>> hundred fifty thousand since we last spoke."
>>>
>>>"The Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to
>>> get back to you."
>>>
>>>Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr.
>>> Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get
>>> ourselves airborne! We've modified Dan O'Brien's
>>>
>>> ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit,
>>>
>>> and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us
>>>
>>> as well!"
>>>
>>>Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his
>>> throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100
>>> bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military complex
>>>
>>> is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
>>> sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my
>>>
>>> army to two hundred thousand!"
>>>
>>>"Jaysus, Mary, and Holy Saint Joseph," said Paddy,
>>> "I'll have to ring you back."
>>>
>>>Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top
>>> o' the mornin' to ya, Mr.Chirac! I am sorry to tell
>>> you that we have had to call off the auld war."
>>>
>>>"I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac. "Why the
>>> sudden change of heart?"
>>>
>>>"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over
>>> a bunch of pints and decided there's no way
>>> we can feed two hundred thousand prisoners-of-war."
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